


without you near me i got no place to go

by snakelesbians



Category: GARO: Yami o Terasu Mono
Genre: Angst, F/F, Rian's emotional issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-14 03:49:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20185774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snakelesbians/pseuds/snakelesbians
Summary: At night Rian thinks of lost love and missed kisses.





	without you near me i got no place to go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kathillards](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kathillards/gifts).

> got possessed by the spirit of a sad lesbian while writing this and i hope you enjoy reading it!
> 
> while this song isnt a super rian/enhou sounding one i think the words work well for them, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aozgp2Od7b8 , also its a world class banger.

Rian spends at least half of her downtime thinking about Enhou and what could have been. She spends long stretches musing about how they could have been happy and Enhou could have lived and been human, the time they could have spent together, the dates they could have gone on, the promises that they could have made and kept, the kisses they could have shared. In reality their first kiss had been their last.

Sometimes thinking about these things causes her such pain that she spends the night curled into Ryuga’s arms sobbing as he plants small kisses into her hair and mumbles soothingly, it always helps but it isn't always enough for her to sleep and she spends the next day off and making mistakes as they fight horrors, these days only cause her reservoir of built up guilt to grow, guilt about letting down Ryuga in the present, letting down all her students she may never get to have, and always at the back of her mind letting down Enhou when she needed her, not being able to help her in the moment only to cement a legacy for her as a hero.

Sometimes on the nights where she is alone, when Ryuga is gone and there is no one to comfort her or hear her pain, she imagines Enhou’s ghost watching over her, she hopes that Enhou would be proud of the priest that she has become, all the people she has saved, she hopes Enhou is not disappointed in her over all the people she couldn't. Rian thinks about how she was able to cement a legacy for Enhou within Vol City as a hero who died saving the people she was sworn to protect, how Enhou will always be a tragic failure for both her and Ryuga, a person who they both let down before they had ever had a chance to help her. She hopes that Enhou was able to find peace, that her noble soul, one Ryuga could still feel even when her autonomy was long gone, was able to move on somewhere beyond the cruel world that had carelessly destroyed her.

When Ryuga sees her again after such nights he always knows, Rian can feel it from the extra delicate way he touches her arm and the softer way that he speaks to her, like he’s afraid one wrong word might break her, she’s afraid that he’s right. On these days she fights extra hard against any horrors that they encounter and basks in the smiles that Ryuga gives her after a job well done, she shines when he holds her tight and kisses her on the forehead, she delights in his laughs when she gets on her toes to return the favour. Those nights she sleeps easier and her musings of Enhou are comforting, she imagines the other’s spectral form standing beside her, she imagines the other whispering how proud Rian she is, that their love wasn’t a lie, that Rian made the right choice in honoring her memory, she thinks of Enhou kissing her sweetly, she imagines the soft touch upon her lips and the smile that they would share afterwards as Enhous form fades away and she sleeps soundly until the next time that Enhou’s memory haunts her once again.

**Author's Note:**

> I dont think that this was super easy to read based on my formatting but it was what felt right so i kept with it. I hope that this was at least an interesting read!


End file.
